“But I don’t want to just leave them!”
A client I was meeting with recently uttered this statement regarding her current employer. However, during this same conversation (as well as others), she has mentioned how much of a mismatch things really are with her present position.
I responded, “If you were dating someone who made you this miserable, would you stay with him?”
It got me thinking about how a bad job is like a bad relationship when it comes to breaking up, particularly from a female experience. Here’s a list of excuses women come up with to stay in a bad relationship and their career counterparts:
1. “It’s too close to his birthday.” The career equivalent of this relates to some event, like the landing of a new client or coming upon the busy season. You don’t want to ruin the “high” that everyone is on because things are going well, so you just stay quiet. And resent every day that you put the company’s needs before your own.
2. “I like his parents/family.” Even if they don’t like their job, some folks experience sadness at the thought of not seeing their co-workers every day or may be worried about disappointing a boss that they really like. However, if you find your work mind-numbing, all the great people in the world aren’t going to make you fulfilled in your job.
Or, if you have an amazing opportunity just drop into your lap, passing it up because of your colleagues can lead to feeling of regret. How do you think you would feel if you stayed because of the people, and they ended up leaving because of various life changes? Where would that leave you?
3. “He knows me!” Just because a situation (personal or work) is comfortable is no reason to stay in it. Certainly, being proficient in one’s job is important and should be considered, but it doesn’t justify continuing in the position if you don’t like it. Look at all the pros and cons of a job, not just one.
4. “His pet goldfish just died!” So you have some folks on your team out due to illness or you’ve lost one or two key members due to promotions or accepting different positions. Face it — there’s never going to be an ideal time to quit. Something always comes up. If you have been going over in your mind how much you hate what you do, devise an exit strategy and then execute it!
5. “He’s such a great guy, and everyone likes him. Why isn’t it working out?” The thing is, not everyone has the same tastes. While some people would give anything to have a job like yours, you may find yourself saying, “Take my job. Please.” It’s perfectly fine to want to leave a job that others would consider a dream position. What excites you professionally may not thrill them, either. Base your feelings about a job on how you feel, not on everyone else’s thoughts.
Image courtesy of Yasser Alghofily
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I cracked up at some of your comparisons (that’s a good thing; I was laughing because your examples really were like the excuses people would use to stay in a bad relationship).
So many of us find any excuse to stay at a job. I really liked #5, about how someone may feel that your job is a dream job. This is kind of like when people say, “Well, I should be thankful that I have a job; so many people don’t right now.” (I guess that would be like saying, “I should be thankful for my deadbeat boyfriend; there are too many pretty girls out there who are single right now”). But the fact is, if you’re unhappy, you should do something about it because, as you said, you have to base things on how you feel.
Twitter: TheJobQuest
says:
I’m glad you liked it, Jake! There are definitely many parallels between the work world and interpersonal relationships because the soft skills are the same (and, as you can see, so are the excuses that are made).
The point you made would be a good sixth one. I do understand why a person would feel grateful to have a job because it is important to pay the bills, but instead of just sitting there, a person should take advantage of the fact they are employed to find a better position.
Twitter: sunithanaraya
says:
Melissa:
All true! One more scenario is when you stay when there is a disquiet in your heart YET it is clear you are highly valued at your place of work. Somewhat similar to no. 5 –on the surface everything seems good, yet … In these situations, it is easier not to do much about anything.
I wrote a post on this and will share it here…
http://tinyurl.com/82a48qc
Thoughts?
Sunitha
Twitter: TheJobQuest
says:
Yes, Sunitha, that’s exactly what I was talking about with #5. The job is wonderful – nice bosses, great work environment, excellent pay – but, for some reason, you’re not happy there. That is probably the hardest job situation to leave because, really, nothing is going wrong; it’s just a mismatch with your interests.
This dissatisfaction should also be listened to because it signals the need for a change. Otherwise, you may end up staying in a job for years, filled with regret for not making a change.