Being out of work is tough for many reasons — having a disconnect from your professional identity, feeling embarrassment in public situations despite the fact that over 10% of the population is in the same boat, not knowing how to explain your joblessness to your kids — and the list goes on.
I read an article from the Wall Street Journal about people who were affected by layoffs, some as early as March 2008, and yet continued to live in the lifestyle they were accustomed to because they had received severance packages from their former employers. One job seeker interviewed for this story even passed up job offers early on because he “thought he could do better” and seemed to assume that he had time to find the right job.
And now that the severance and savings are running dry? They have to face the reality of sticking their heads in the sand for so long. Mounting debt, loss of possessions, loss of face, etc. I do feel sorry for them for what they are going through.
At the same time, I know how a lengthy job search can affect a family. Was maintaining a lavish façade really so important?
I talked in an earlier post about how my husband and I made the decision to forego two vehicles during his layoff. We also talked about worst-case scenarios, and there were many other lifestyle changes that we made to trim our budget to maximize our savings and other resources.
Facing the reality of the situation early on help us process what was happening and made it easier to gradually introduce ideas surrounding my husband’s job loss to our children.
It also led us to make smarter decisions regarding what was really in the best interests of our family. I’m not just talking financial choices; while it was still a stressful time in our lives, being proactive about stretching the resources we had did reduce the financial concerns a bit and allowed my husband to be not as fragmented with multiple worries while learning as much as he could about job hunting in today’s world.
In our situation, trying to maintain some false illusion would not have served anyone in our family well.
What choices you have made? How are they working for you?
ostrich courtesy of Kalinago English
I was shocked when my husband told me about his ex-wife and how she handled their separation. She sold their house (which he gave to her and that was paid for) and bought one that cost 3X as much. (She had a contract job at the time.) She remodeled the bathroom and bought all new furniture. Then she lost the job. And did not look for a new one. Continued to take vacations. Wouldn’t sign the divorce papers b/c she wanted to stay on my husband’s health insurance and then was diagnosed with cancer FIVE YEARS AFTER HE FILED. Oh yeah. It’s been ugly. She has not been hospitalized with the cancer and has been well enough for most of it that she could work, but won’t. The divorce decree allows her to make up to $X/month and still get alimony.
I have been sending my husband links to jobs in her area where she could work and still get alimony and get health insurance (Starbucks, Whole Foods) because her cobra (which we pay) runs out next year and there is no way she can afford to convert to an individual plan with her health. Her alimony barely covers her mortgage. I am terrified that her plan is for US to pay for it and that is not in MY plan.
Even her daughters are disgusted with her. She is going to have to sell the house but she has NO EQUITY in it and guess what? California housing values have plummeted in the past seven years. She is an honors grad from Berkeley (my husband paid for her to go) and yet refuses to be responsible for running her own life. I’m sure if you read a story about her in the paper, all you would see is “Tragedy of divorce, job loss and cancer,” but what it really is is “Stupid decisions and refusal to face reality and prepare for a rainy day.”
When I lost my job, I didn’t have much to cut because I’ve always been so sure I’ve been one step from the poorhouse that I’ve kept a stash. I saved money as a Peace Corps volunteer. Now. I do not have kids. That makes a HUGE difference. I have never had major medical bills, which also makes a huge difference. But I have had extended periods of unemployment and I paid my own way through college and grad school, so I’ve had some big expenses and big earnings losses.
All to get to unemployment did not change my life. I already did not have cable. Or a cellphone. I didn’t go out to eat much and when I did, my new boyfriend, whom I met right when I became unemployed, paid. I didn’t need new clothes because I didn’t have anywhere to go.
I agree with you. It is stupid to try to impress the neighbors when you are trying to survive. It’s stupid to try to impress the neighbors even when you are not trying to survive. Who cares what the neighbors think? I commented to a friend once that I couldn’t understand how people who made about the same income I did were driving new BMWs, living in far more expensive houses, wearing brand-new clothes and going out to eat all the time. How could they afford it? I asked. They can’t, my friend said. They are just living paycheck to paycheck on a large scale. It’s all on their credit cards.
CF,
Sorry to hear about your experiences
I’ve also always been rather thrifty (to the point that one time, Rodney said, “Stop being so cheap!) It’s a little hard for me to wrap my head around extravagances if a person knows that the cash flow is going to end if action isn’t taken.